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Gratitude

on May 30, 2013

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I’m just so forgetful.  I keep forgetting that God is good all the time.  I’m so ashamed.

I’ve heard that before you’re born, God plants his purpose for you deep in your heart.  It is something that you are passionate about and something that you long to fulfill.  After decades of trying to decipher my purpose, I believe I have finally unearthed it.  My purpose is both very exciting and very scary.  Overly ambitious.  I’m in denial and I’m still trying to shove it back to the deepest recesses of my heart but it just keeps coming back to the surface.  But its flowchart is very clear in my head.  I have a great plan!  But every time I take a step to fulfill my purpose, I’m pulled 10 steps back.  It’s very frustrating and I’m losing hope.  I shy away from God because I’m such a disappointment.  At the same time, I am angry.  Angry at myself and angry at God.  I’m sorry Lord, I just need time.   I hold on to this:  “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever (Psalm 138:8).”

And just when I’m about to give up, he nudges me with his loving hands.  Thank you, Lord.  Forgive me for doubting you.  You have given me a blessing today which will put me on my way to fulfill my purpose.  My heart is bursting.  To God be the glory!

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